After my finishing my last final yesterday, I woke up this morning fully intending to soak up every minute of unscheduled time for the next week and half before summer quarter begins. After enjoying a lazy morning/afternoon, I realized how much I missed writing and connecting with others. So here's some ramblings and an update.
So far in 2015, my family and myself have been bombarded with health problems. Several family members ended up in the hospital and having to do surgery. I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, Celiacs Disease, Hypothydroidism, and SI joint problems that have been quite debilitating. I guess when I was a little girl and wondered what my life would be like in my mid-twenties, I didn't imagine what has now become my reality.
The main thing I've been internally struggling with is coming to terms with the imperfect body I've been given. It's easy to feel down and resent the pills I have to take everyday simply to function. I often find myself angry and choosing to skip my medication, inevitably paying the consequences for the next week. The biggest conflicts in my marriage has centered around this resentment and rebellion. It's difficult to remember I'm not the only one who pays when I skip my meds.
I'm learning not to compare myself to others my age. I am me. I have to believe God will take what is broken and make it something beautiful. Faith isn't easy. I'm not that good at it. But I have to believe and I have trust. Otherwise, I will drown in my despair and that's no way to live.
You already are beautiful. You just need to learn to see your beauty. Comparison truly is the thief of joy. I struggle with that as well. I think most people do.
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Keep fighting. Good to hear from you!